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ISSUE 8 ARCHIVE - AT THE CHAMBERWilliam Maurice BorthwickA monkey can drive a recompression chamber. It can also fly a plane and drive a car. Let's face it, if the various governing bodies would allow it, they'd probably be doing both right now. I'm not really sure where I'm going with this... perhaps I'm just admiring the talents of our jungle loving evolutionary cousins (or surprisingly similar clay moulds for the over 50% of Americans who want to pull Darwin's beard); or perhaps I'm trying to point out, badly, that running a machine is more than just operating the controls. That, at least is the justification we, the dedicated team of hyperbaric professionals at LDC and MDC, use to get us through the day, and to stop society from replacing us with primates. Foolishly, the editor of this magazine gave us, the said dedicated team, an opportunity to walk you, the intrepid UK diver, around life behind the scenes in our little corner of the UK diving industry, so hold onto your hats! Alright, it's not actually that exiting, but I'm going to tell you anyway. |
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Our role, in the great game, is a
carefully knotted link in the safety net
comprising of the coast guard, the
ambulance and all the other
emergency services that are there to
support you should you step a little too
far outside your comfort zone, have an
equipment failure, or are just generally
unlucky (because, as we all know, you
can still get DCI on a conservative
dive). The process generally starts when
the phone rings. There are two phones,
manned 24 hours by our staff, if for
some reason the team member can't
reach the primary phone (stop it you
filthy minded people) the call is diverted
to the second phone, backed up again
by voice mail. The genial person who
answers the phone is experienced and
well versed in most aspects of diving
and diving medicine. When they answer
the phone they will generally say
something along the lines of, "London
and Midlands Diving Chamber, X
speaking." Yes, they are there to answer
your query, but what they are really
saying is "I love you". That's right, I said
it, we love you all. Not in a freaky
perverse way, alright maybe a little
bit perverse, but mainly in the way
a tradesman loves a callout to a
domestic emergency. We love you at 5
o'clock on Friday, when the phone rings
just after we've just fought are way
home through Friday traffic, sat on the
sofa with our child on our laps, boiled
the kettle and settled down to watch
England win the ashes ( b*****ds). We
love you when you ring at midnight on
a Saturday to book a medical, or
4.30am Sunday morning from A&E
because you have a slight cough and
a sniffle and were treated for DCI three
weeks ago. The fact is we love you,
because at the end of the day we
would rather you called than sat on the
problem and worried about it, because
the longer you leave it, the more you
dive on it, the worse things get and the
longer the recovery, so if you're in any
doubt, call us, we love you.
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If necessity demands, the person on
the phone will refer your information
to a qualified and experienced diving
doctor. We'll get you in for an
examination, as required and then
we will treat you as necessary. The
treatment is like a six hour plane flight.
You get food, a toilet, the pleasurable
company of your own personal tender
and all the books and magazines you
can read, or pillows, a blanket and a
bunk to sleep on. You may even find it
educational! We try to answer all your
questions and if we can't, we will find
out the answer. During the treatment
we will constantly get updates on your
medical condition from yourself and
the tender, and make many bad jokes.
Whilst you're inside the chamber with
the tender recovering, your treatment
will be supervised by our team of highly
trained and experienced technicians
who will ensure your environment is
comfortable and that all the pressures
and levels are correct. At the end of
the treatment, like the plumber who
successfully flushes the toilet, or the
electrician who flicks the switch and the
lights come on, we get satisfaction from
a job well done when you step out of
the chamber and tell us you're feeling
good.
So, to all you fellow water sports enthusiasts, we hope one day the water is clear and warm at Stoney, or that the slack tide lasts that little bit longer on the silty wreck. We hope that next summer the wet and windy weather saves itself for during the week, or France and the basking sharks stop being so damn shy. If you need us we are here at the other end of the phone to answer questions and settle your nerves... just in case... The London and Midlands Diving Chamber Teams' 24 Hour Advice Line: 07940 353 816. |
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