ISSUE 5 ARCHIVE - 10 TIPS TO SAVE MONEY WHEN YOU DIVE
(if you used to work for a bank or are soon to be in negative equity)
|
 |
One
"Air is for quairs"– as they say in the
hardened world of Soviet diving.
There's nothing wrong with filling your
tank with the effluent of an Irkutsk bolt
factory chimney.
Two
New wetsuit. Forgettaboutitt!!! Collect
as many free slap-straps from local dive
shops. Needle and thread and presto!
A Harlequin 3mm.
Three
Can't afford to eat? There's a club night
around the corner in London 10 days
a month. As long as you love cocktail
sausages and a dodgy prawn you
won't starve.
Four
Hitch-hike to Stoney. Yes, it's about time
this dying art was revived when petrol
is more expensive than frankincense.
A recent RAC report has shown that there
are more rapist perverts driving on the
road than ever before. So dressed in
neoprene you will only have to wait for
a couple of minutes for an interesting
ride to Leicestershire.
Five
Renting weights? Are you stupid? The
exorbitant cost of over £2 can be easily
saved by your local church roof. As God
said, "If it's leaden you'll go to heaven".
The slates are welded with the stuff.
Borrow it for the weekend.
Six
Dive Shows. Easy. Wait until 5 minutes
before the end. Free entry and they
would rather give it away than have
to lug it back to the van afterwards.
Anyone a dive bag for a fiver?
Seven
Diver tats. There's no point spending
proper money for a shark on your biceps.
Go to Tahiti. Organise a failed coup.
In the 10 years you will spend jailed
there's plenty of time for free marine
based prison-artistry.
|
Eight
Lube your neckseal with KY. It's gratis if
you tell your doc you have hemorrhoids.
And are gay.
Nine
Need a dive medical and don't want
to pay? Take a Maestro card which
no-one will accept then offer to go to
the cashpoint. Piss off after that with
your cert in hand.
Ten
"A tank, reg and BCD can easily be
replaced by a Fairy Liquid bottle, a
piece of hosing and an Easyjet lifejacket".
John Noakes to J Cousteau. 1968.
|
 |
Previous article « Best Dive Worst Dive - Bob Baird
Next article » Rob's World - Things To Do On A Safety Stop
Back to Issue 5 Index |
