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Auntie Toomer


Whatever your problem, Auntie Toomer is here to help you out...

Q: I know what that sounds like, but I'm not "doing it to be trendy" like some of my friends think, I actually am attracted to both men and women. I've known this for some time but I've really only just come to terms with the label "bisexual". Nobody I've told has freaked out so far, because I live in a pretty open-minded place, but a few people have tried to tell me that I'm not really bi or that it doesn't matter that I'm bi because I'm in a relationship with a guy, but whatever. That's not my problem. My problem is, how do I tell my parents? Should I even tell them?

Help me Paul.
Dive Worldwide
A: What an interesting question for me to answer, thank you!!!

Unfortunately and contrary to popular belief I have not been lucky enough to have had any experience with a bisexual before so I am going to advise you to speak to some other people. I recommend talking to GLUG (Gay and Lesbian Underwater Group), an incredible bunch of people who will help you to continue you're diving and help you through the whole "parent" problem.

Otherwise you really ought to speak to the creator of the Universe and all that is in it. No not God, I am of course referring to our very own Rob. We know very little about him, we believe he has a similar status to "The Stig" from Top Gear. As far as we know, there are days when Rob is a Male, like when he decides to shave his head and liberally throw cans at innocent pub goers. Then there are days when he transforms into a Girl, like when you invite him to go drinking and he gives a lame excuse about how he can't go because he has a head ache. He is also very well known for being single, so with the fact that he can change sex at the drop of a hat and is SINGLE, you are a match made in heaven. The only problem with this scenario is that it will probably be easier on your parents to know that you like both genders than to meet Rob!!!
Q: A strange man covered in tattoos on a motorbike has just sold me a diving school. I need everyone to know about my plans for a shop refurb, a new website and new stock. Can you help?!? Thanks Alex Griffin, Diving Leisure London

A: Did your mother teach you nothing? Tattoos and motorbikes, the man obviously can't be trusted. Please tell me he is not one of those small penis Tech Divers as well? If he is then I reckon I may have an idea who you are referring to and I can help you here.

I believe this gentleman has done this before to a really good man called James Deane. James bought a store called Amphibian Sports from our tattooed man. He has never recovered, James is now tattooed as well and is also a tech diver, next he'll be riding a motorcycle too.

Just like you though James did a refurb of the shop, got lots of stock in and rebuilt his website. I believe that you have bought a dive centre called Diving Leisure London Ltd. I also believe that you are London's only PADI 5 Star CDC store specializing in teaching diving from Open Water to Instructor level. You also offer EFR, DAN and tech training through TDI, DSAT and IANTD don't you? You stock all the major brands on your website.

Alex, you sound like a really good man so take this advice, tech diving is one thing but what ever you do, do not visit any tattoo shops and stay away from those dreadful noise belching Ducati motorbikes!!

(If I got the store details wrong please do let me know and I'll try and sneak a plug in next issue for you).

If you've got a problem, and if we can find him, maybe you should email Auntie Toomer. You might also like to check out The Diving Matrix.

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