ISSUE 15 ARCHIVE - REASONS FOR SINKING THE DIVE BOAT

Rob Hunt

I didn’t want the Germans to get their hands on it.

I told you, “I literally can’t wait to get in the water”.

It was looking at me funny.

I was feeling a bit Titanicky.

I could tell you, but then I’d have to kill you. No, wait, I’ll kill you anyway, but I’m not going to tell you.

There’s all sorts going on up there in my brain box.

I did it in the name of love, honour and sacrifice. Also, a drunken bet.

Just because I promised I can drive a boat. Why do you always have to take everything I say so seriously?

Naughty boat. Naughty, naughty, naughty.

I’m right-handed.

Chief Brody said we needed a bigger boat.

Video game made me do it.

It was there.

I was on the grassy knoll and I got a bit carried away.

How can something that weighs so much possibly float without the assistance of witchcraft?

I’m an undercover agent for the artificial reef society. And a maniac.

The power of Christ compelled me.

I dreamt about it and I want to be psychic.

What would Camus do?

It seemed plausible.

I thought badminton would be more fun than steering. And it was.

I assumed it was unsinkable.

It was due one.

I had to reduce overheads.

Cogito ergo sinkum.

It’s the principle of the thing.

How was I to know a sledgehammer would cause so much damage?

That’s life in the big city.

It was just a very poppable RIB.

Theories are rife about this sort of thing.

You can’t stop progress.

It was a slow news day.

Stop living in the past.

I consider the asking of this question to be a violence against my person.

Nobody asked Nero why he crossed the Rubicon.

For larks.

I did wonder at the time whether I should be doing it.

People don’t sink boats, water does.

It’s what’s known in the industry as a rebranding.

Why boat when you can plane?

There was a rat I wanted to get rid of.

I forgot about whether you’re supposed to aim for the bits of reef or not.

If we’re going to play the blame game, why did you leave the milk out of the fridge last week so that it got warm?

If I had a pound for every time someone’s asked me that question...

It’s very difficult to tell from the fossil record whether I did it or not.

You told me to be more decisive.

Clearly someone hacked into my brain account.

The Lib Dems.

I wanted to impress Jodie Foster.

It was easy.