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ISSUE 10 ARCHIVE - PAUL TOOMER, AGONY AUNTWhatever your problem, Auntie Toomer is here to help you out...Q: Hi Auntie Paul, I joined a fantastic dive club a year and a half ago (don't think I'd better mention the name) and, to be honest, I haven't really behaved myself that well. I have so far slept with over 40 of the blokes and, well, a) there are not many other single guys left that I haven't yet at least had a fumble around with and b) I don't really think I'm getting the reputation of much of a lady. I really love the dive club. There is a great crowd (and we even go diving – in the water occasionally). I just don't know what to do. Your advice would be most welcome for a girl in my situation. Thank you, N O Angel p.s. Fancy a drink next Saturday? |
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A: Now, thank you so much for this question as I am somewhat
experienced in this area. I would like to point out that I am
not in your league by any means; it's just that I was once
called a 'Romantic in a Tarts body'. Sound familiar?
OK, you have slept with 40 blokes? That is some tally. Do you walk like you were born on a horse, like John Wayne? Are you sponsored by Durex? Is your dive club sponsored by Durex? Seriously though, are there any girls at your dive club (there has to be surely)? And if so, what do they feel about the goings on? Surely you are getting more hassle from the girls than the few 'small penis' blokes left that you are still to give a test ride to? If you want to stay at the club, I would get all the girls behind you first. Maybe set up a dating advice help line within the club, pairing up the girls with their ideal man. You may have to sleep with the last few guys (and of course any newcomers to really prove that you offer a quality service)… I'm sure you could struggle through! You could pick the girls' men based on character, penis size, staying power, (romance?), sense of humour, penis size, staying power, oral abilities, penis size, staying power, I'm sure you get my drift. I think you would be offering a great service and I would not be surprised if someone approached you to open a new diving dating service. You could call it 'Catch'. Or even 'Scratch'! If my advice fails, either find another dive club, sleep with the last few blokes that are left at your dive club or become a porn star. Thanks for the offer re next Saturday but I'm afraid I will be in Malta. I do know a few blokes that may be free. Paul |  | |
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