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H2O Dive
I know me t'interweb two point nowt and I want me chuffin' Big Fat Feed of RSS fed to me.
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Brave Sir Robin








Has anyone else noticed that the "information" announcer at Green Park station sounds just like an unfunny version of Eric Idle?

Rob
H2O Dive

For an even better blog than this... Read the Battersea Blog

 
Crossfire








Well, it's been a while, so I'd better start with something especially salient:

When I was about six years old or something (I dunno, I hadn't started drinking yet anyway), I had a game called Crossfire. This was essentially two pieces of plastic track that formed an X shape with little launchers at the ends which allowed you to propel your toy cars along the track at high speed. This was done in the hope that they would collide in the middle, thereby allowing you to wistfully imagine the scenes of carnage had it been a real life accident, probably involving an ageing, miserly relative.

Anyway, it occurred to me this morning that this seems to be the exact same principle of civil engineering that the passenger tunnels on the tube are built on: particularly at busy stations with lots of different interchanges of lines, where you can't help but crash into other commuters dashing in front of you at a ninety degree angle.

In central areas, you also get bonus obstacles of tourists, pausing at the bottom of escalators to get confused by maps; plus small vehicles containing small humans and, best of all; weedy posh people towing those ridiculous armoured cases on wheels (not the big ones which might conceivably contain something useful like dive gear but the little ones probably containing a tissue or something and designed only to trip you up) when really they should get a handbag or backpack or at least just get out of MY way.

Oh yeah, I haven't left London just yet.

I wonder though, before I do, if Transport For London will get round to fully realising its grand scheme and operate its trains on the Crossfire principle, as surely they've always been planning to. You start one train at the end of each line and just fire them through the tunnels to see where they crash. Passengers should only be allowed on if they are towing small, armoured suitcases.

Rob
Nautilus Lifeline

For an even better blog than this... Read the Battersea Blog

 
On Breaking Ribs








Ah, how well we remember Our Tune by that Holy Chalice of 80s DJs, The Batester himself...

How other peoples ****ed up lives could make us feel better in ourselves for a few minutes.

Exam stress/marital disputes/cats gone missing... all would fade into nothingness when compared to the tale of woe that Bates would read out in his sympathetic way.

So let's hear a few sorry diving tales form our inbox to make us all cheerier...

[To the tune of Accidents will Happen by Elvis Costello]

Let's start with the routine diver on a bike:

"I am currently in Mexico doing my divemaster education. Saturday one week ago I had a scooter accident but the doctor said that I was alright. After a couple of days I decided to see the doctor again, because I had a constant pain in my chest. The X-ray shows that I have a small fractured in the 3rd rib on the left side."

3 out of 10 I think.

OK, from bikes to boats:

"I am emailing to find additional information about an accident i had last month. I fell on my boat and broke 4 ribs in a total of 6 places. My lung was also punctured. I had a very incompetent surgeon put a chest tube in the wrong place, way to high. I was with only one lung for 2 1/2 days."

5 out of 10 here with an extra point for the crap surgeon...

Now can it get worse..:

"Nine months ago I suffered a number of broken ribs and a punctured lung when I was attacked and trampled by some cows whilst out walking my dog.

I was hospitalised but the x-rays and scans didn't pick up a sharp sliver of broken rib protuding into the chest cavity. Three days later, this cut an artery and I had emergency surgery to repair the damage."

Oh yes, when animals attack... poor bloke.

Hoodie cows, the country is a dangerous place... best stay underwater.

Ed
Ocean Visions

For an even better blog than this... Read the Battersea Blog

 
Tubes and Boobs








Everybody relax: there was an attractive female on the same tube carriage as me today.

In the event of a societal apocalypse in which the only survivors on Earth were the people in my tube carriage, I would, therefore, find someone acceptable to procreate with, ensuring the existence of future generations and the survival of the human species.

Somedays, humanity is not so lucky: particularly in the event that no alcohol survived the apocalypse. On other days though, one is spoilt for choice, resulting in the difficult administrative task of prioritising according to breast-size, hair-colour, leg-shape, distinguishing features (or lack thereof) and in a very tight pinch: personality. Who'd've thought a nuclear winter would require so much bureaucracy?

Still, it was the weasel-faced sweat-gland of a man sitting by the door I felt sorry for. The gargantuan ox that was clearly his genetic destiny had crisp crumbs around her mouth and was forever threatening her hyperactive children with violence.

Fortunately, it's never occurred to me that the hot, apocalypse-surviving ladies might not find me attractive. The world is saved!

SA
London and Midlands Diving Chambers

For an even better blog than this... Read the Battersea Blog

 
We're Gonna Need A Bigger Boat








RIP Chief Brody.

SA
Denney Diving

For an even better blog than this... Read the Battersea Blog

 
Reef(er) Madness








They want it decriminalised,

but some want it racked up to Class A,

either way there are diving implications....

heres some research.

Maaaaaaaaan

January 27, 2008

Long term marijuana smoking might increase risks of pulmonary barotrauma

A new study reports that there is an increase in the formation of “bullous lung disease” from marijuana smoking. The effect comes on marijuana smokers some twenty years ahead of cigarette smokers. This is important to diving because bullae or blisters can and do rupture due to the effects of pressure changes on trapped air in ascending the water column after a dive.

A condition often caused by exposure to toxic chemicals or long-term exposure to tobacco smoke, bullous lung disease (also known as bullae) is a condition where air trapped in the lungs causes obstruction to breathing and eventual destruction of the lungs.

The study “Bullous Lung Disease due to Marijuana” also finds that the bullous lung disease can easily go undetected as patients suffering from the disease may show normal chest X-rays and lung functions. High-resolution CT scans revealed severe asymmetrical, variably sized bullae in the patients studied. However, chest X-rays and lung functions were normal in half of them.

Lead author Dr. Matthew Naughton says, “What is outstanding about this study is the relatively young ages of the lung disease patients, as well as the lack of abnormality on chest X-rays and lung functions in nearly half of the patients we tested.”

Patients who smoke marijuana inhale more and hold their breath four times longer than cigarette smokers. It is the breathing manoeuvres of marijuana smokers that serve to increase the concentration and pulmonary deposition of inhaled particulate matter – resulting in greater and more rapid lung destruction.

This paper is published in the January 2008 issue of Respirology.

Ed
Dive Worldwide PNG

For an even better blog than this... Read the Battersea Blog

 
Sharks Versus Hippies








More dead sharks in the Metro today. I'm not sure what the story was though as I didn't actually see the paper, instead I just arrived at my desk this morning to find the picture taped to my monitor. One suspects this was a foolhardy attempt to rile the Shoreditch Antipath (TM all rights reserved, formerly the Brixton Bastard TM all rights still reserved under pain of a kick in the nuts) on behalf of the Chamber crew.

Only time will tell how this affects the average life expectancy of hyperbaric technicians in the area.

In any case, it seems to me to be the right time to set the record straight with regard to sharks and shark attacks.

The one key concept here is mistaken identity which almost all attacks are a result of:

Sharks, much like the rest of us, have a natural hatred of hippies. During the course of their good work of removing surfers from this mortal coil, they will inevitably make a mistake every once in a while and an innocent, unsuspecting seal is bound to suffer. Tragic as this is, it is unfair to judge sharks harshly as they are doing a difficult job under poor conditions in low visibility. Incomprehensible, monosyllabic pseudo-mystical talk of "Green rooms" and similar new-age nonsense in an unlikely Californian drawl must be kept to acceptable levels. In order to ensure this, we have to be reasonable and understand that this is bound to come at the cost of the odd likeable mammal. Also, there are those that would point out that if seals are to insist on congregating in salt-water aquatic environments, they must accept that they will become vulnerable to the odd predator.

On a slightly tangential note, there was a giant, metal shark on display at Glastonbury this year. Evidence of this was texted to me by Fat Dan. Fear not, Fat Dan is not a hippie. I know this because upon his return I tipped the police off and he underwent the standard three week incarceration. Fortunately, all the correct medical tests were done and came back negative.

Anyway, I feel it is a phenomenal act of cruelty to subject a shark to these conditions. Being in metallic form it is forced to obey convention and not move of its own accord. Paralysed thus, it must therefore look on, starving, as thousands of specimens of its natural food wander by with their dogs on strings, waving their dreadlocks around and attempting to connect with nature via a mystical substance known as "Carlsberg Special Brew".

One can only hope that next year the natural balance will be restored and Glastonbury will relocate to Seal Island, South Africa. With free entry to all journalists.

SA (formerly BB)
Adventure Divers La Manga

For an even better blog than this... Read the Battersea Blog

 
Techie Terror








For all you techies out there...

Big Brother has arrived and you are being watched...

"Some dive schools in the USA and Europe are beginning to keep accurate records of all technical diving equipment purchased to reduce the likelyhood of them being used by terrorists.

Underwater attacks have often been very succesful in times of war and it is feared that various terrorist groups are trying to develop underwater stealth attack capabilities. It would be a relatively simple task for a rebreather diver to place limpet mines on an ususpecting ship, either in port or out at sea. The result could be a catastrophic loss of life.

Within the last few hours it has been revealed that an ETA terrorist had attempted to board a UK/Spanish passenger ferry with the intention of blowing it up. So it is not surprising that that there is serious concern that well trained scuba divers could lauch successful attacks upon marine targets.

Generally military docks and commercial ports have some form of underwater detection and anti-terrorism operations in place but there are numerous weak links that could easily be exploited."

Ed
H2O Dive

For an even better blog than this... Read the Battersea Blog

 
Unfinished senten








OK,

in the words of bouffant 80s Thatcha-dontcha-hater comedian Ben Elton... lets get a bit political here...

Here in dull grey England we're always banging on about how lily-livered our courts are, tiny sentences for grand crimes. Yoofs stabbing away with only the fear of a wrist slapping for their misdemeanours.

But hey, it could be worse, we could be in Spain.

Sentencing of the Madrid bombers started today and...

"Rabei Osman Sayed Ahmed, 35: An Egyptian national described as one of the masterminds. Also known as Mohammed the Egyptian [thats gotta be the crappest nickname for an Egyptian - Ed], he was arrested in Milan in June 2004, and convicted of subversive association aimed at international terrorism.

Prosecutors claimed he came to the Spanish capital in January 2004 to meet the Madrid cell and help prepare the attacks.

They sought a sentence of 38,962 years in prison, although Spanish law means he can serve no more than 40 years. The prosecution figure includes 30 years for each of the 191 people killed, plus 18 years for each of the up to 1,800 wounded. This applies to the top eight defendants."

So... 40 thousand years down to 40. Serving 0.001% of a sentence.

Where's me semtex, Juan?

Ed
Travelling Diver

For an even better blog than this... Read the Battersea Blog

 
People are Strange








I know you lot out there are a charitable lot,

so heres a plea from the sun kissed Isle of Roatan.

Medical Help Needed in Roatan : Between dives at Sueno del Mar, Undercurrent reader and dentist Bill Edell (Lake Oswego, OR) volunteered his services at La Clinica Esperanza, a new hospital run by nurse and missionary Peggy Strange that gives low-cost and free healthcare to Roatan residents. "I recommend dentists, hygienists, doctors and nurses who enjoy great diving and want a rewarding experience consider volunteering. Take your dive gear, favorite instruments and perhaps some supplies to donate, you will have a truly rewarding vacation." More info at: www.missionroatan.org

OK, thats simple then, cut and paste the link if you want to...

But as dogs look like their owners, so do some people match their surname.

Peggy Strange... oh yessssssiirreeee.

As much as I love helping others, can't say I want to look at that every day.

Ed
Dive Worldwide PNG

For an even better blog than this... Read the Battersea Blog

 
I know me t'interweb two point nowt and I want me chuffin' Big Fat Feed of RSS fed to me.
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